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Living a Lie

Often times we have circumstances and allow those circumstances to control us. I know this first hand. I know how this feels to believe that whatever I was going through was too big for me to get out of. I was right. I was intent on fixing problems my way. We all make that choice. There is no one controlling us. We have free-will, a gift given to us. We make the choice to do “good” or to do “evil”. We can either submit our will to good or to evil. It is what it is. No matter your interpretation truth is truth, it is unchangeable.

I was always told, having been brought up in the church, “[You] can do all things through Christ who strengthens [you]”. I thought I fully understood what meant. At a very young age I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I just knew that, from what I was taught, that was the way to go. I made the choice to accept. I became saved. I knew I was going to Heaven. I accepted that He died for the sins of the world. With that being said, I have always been conscious of right & wrong because it was taught to me. (Just because you do wrong doesn’t mean you don’t know right, you choose to do what you know is wrong. Just because you don’t believe the truth is truth, it doesn’t make it any less of the truth). So throughout my life I have had the belief that there is a God, and many times I have questioned that but that unbelief never stuck. I chose not to believe that.

I was always told that when you become saved you have to renew your mind. That can be only be done by reading the bible and living the wisdom given. When you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior you become born again and are filled with the Holy Spirit. You are a new creature. With any creature that is born they must be taught how to live. If a baby is born and you leave them by themselves without any guidance, when they grow they will still be crawling around or moving on their belly, and slurry gibberish. So like a baby, when you accept Christ in your heart genuinely, you must learn how to function. You must learn right and wrong and why they are such. You have to gain understanding. So I was told that the bible holds all the wisdom that I needed, but I never quite had an understanding of it. (Scratch that, I understood but I chose not to apply it to myself)

I thought and questioned as child, “How can I read this big’ol book and get what all that means”. I made the choice to do the opposite of what I was told, not because I couldn’t read and comprehend. I definitely had that ability. Whenever you saw me you saw a book in my hand. I LOVE(D) to read. I just chose what I felt was more interesting. I can blame no one other than myself, I made that choice. My parents took me to church every Sunday. I went to bible school, bible camp, all of that. I enjoyed church and the way it made me feelgood. I made the conscious choice to not to take heed to what I was told was the right way; it was the lack of understanding that I chose to be molded in. I would allow myself to be molded by the world around me. I was fed scriptures but I never quite had an understanding of how they could be applied to my life. Words are just words unless you apply them. (I was lazy and stuck in my ways by choice. To apply the bible to my life would be too much work). Every action starts/develops first as a thought and you choose whether you act on it or not. Some thoughts become so natural that you don’t even recognize that you are having them. We don’t have to tell our lungs to take in oxygen or our heart to beat. It’s natural. We have to recognize that we are shaped by the things we see, hear, when we act on them.

Ever since I was a young child I have sinned. I have lied, stolen, hurt people intentionally, acted on my feelings and not what I knew was right. I knew what was right & what was wrong. The bible says that Jesus died for the sins of the whole world (past, present and future), without exception. I was taught that when I recognize what I did was wrong, I was to repent. (I have learned that I am not to be ashamed but to learn from the wrong that I have done. Shame is an inhibitor; don’t let it hold you back.) I never understood that before, although it was taught to me, that His dying for my sins was enough. Whatever good I did could not & would not measure up to the grace that was given (Jesus’ blood). Though I knew this, without fail, I kept doing good things to make up for all the bad I was doing. Not changing, just covering up what was already taken care of. It was lack of understanding. I was trying to stand on how it made sense to me. If it made sense to me that would make it so in my eyes. I was living a lie.

Throughout my life God has used people who He placed in my life to show me that what I was doing in my life was wrong, but I kept choosing to defy and deny Him. I suffered the consequences of this. I put people before God because I chose to. I chose to be the driver of the car I was in. Would you let someone who never drove a day in their life to chauffeur you around? Would you let someone who knew how to drive fairly well? Or would you choose someone who is the expert to drive you? The expert knows everything there is to know. He knows how you can crash or how you cruise smoothly. I think we would all agree that the latter is the wiser choice, but I can only speak for myself. I would choose the latter. That’s who God is. I am the first and second driver. Am I gonna drive this car (my life, purpose, etc.) myself or am I gonna set aside my pride and give the wheel to God? It is not easy, pride can seem so strong, sin can seem so strong, but God is stronger than any force/being in the universe. Don’t be deceived. His POWER is infinite. He won’t force you to do anything because He gave us the free-will. He is where He always is, unmoving. He is waiting on you. Every step you take you have to make a choice; am I gonna do good or am I gonna do evil? I’m gonna be real, yes you stumble and do evil but don’t become complacent. STRIVE for better.

God has compassion. He knows it is not easy. He knows the world we live in doesn’t make it easy. He never said that it would be. He did say that He would help guide us along the way. We just have to put our trust in Him. It’s all or nothing. You can’t be in the middle. The battle has already been won, whose side are you gonna be on? You’re either gonna be a winner or a loser. Simple. The choice is simple. Don’t let people’s opinion or influence choose for you. Just recognize that you can’t do it your way. You will fail, without a doubt. Choose to submit your will, He’ll take care of the rest. He will reveal Himself to you if you allow Him. It’s WORTH it. Recognize it won’t be easy. Just have patience, if you don’t have it get it. Practice patience. It may not happen for you immediately but it will happen. Choose to let God show you the way.

God has brought me through and is continuously bringing me through and out of my pride, out of lust of self/things, fornication, greed, weed, alcohol, cursing, fear, homosexual spirits; all things that are not of Him. Don’t trust the world, it is against you. Satan is the god of this world. He is a copy-cat. He used the Word of God out of context to confuse you, but don’t let Him. He is a deceiver. We were born in sin and shaped in inequity. He will not win, it is already done. Just pick the side you are on. He’s already lost. The choice is yours. People aren’t gonna agree with you, that doesn’t mean that you are wrong. Follow God not people, the world is lost…follow the being that isn’t. Put God before ALL and walk in Love (Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.)

God can bring you out of lust of self, things, and people. He can bring you out of homosexuality, lies, hate, and all other sin. I have been there. Ask me what sin I didn’t commit, I’ve been where you are. He brought me through it! God has given us all the tools we just have to use them. To say that you cannot change is to say that God is not real. That is a choice. God is God all by himself. He doesn’t need us to be God and almighty, but He created us to relate and fellowship with Him. Not to please ourselves or others. Recognize that. I have come out of the worse situations. I understand it is not our circumstances that tell us who we are but God tells us. He loves all of us, even those who deny Him. He loves you. Why not show it back?

God Bless!

When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit dwelled in me. I no longer had the nature of a sinner (“Born in sin, shaped in inequity”, was no longer. That was my old nature. You can “act” like your old self but it is not who you are now. You are the spirit that dwells within). I had the nature of Jesus Christ, of God. I could say NO to sin and not out of the motivation of how it would make me feel but how it pleased God (my purpose is to please God that is my motivation). When you sin you put that before God. We put people and things before God by choice. We CHOOSE. Let’s be real. God loves you regardless, so be honest with Him. He knows we struggle. He knows we won’t be perfect but He perfects(continual) us. When you are covered in the blood of Jesus Christ He doesn’t see the wrong we do anyway, so let’s do the good to PLEASE Him, not to get saved. That has already been done. Be the you God intended for you to be. From what the bible tells me, when I go before God for my judgment, He will see all the good I did. He will be proud. (:

“My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” - Isaiah 55:6-11 (No matter what you’re going through, you may not understand why but God will bring you out of it.)

"It`s not about me.."