Standing in the midst of all of my fears.
Fear of hypocrisy.
Fear of death.
Fear of loss.
Fear of living a lie.
Fear of disappointment.
Feel myself falling & I’m uncertain if & when the landing will come.
The thing about fear is that it holds not enough weight to bring about change, it just makes way for more fear.
Why can’t I rest in You for but a moment?
The second I stray away I feel like I’m behind light years..
Why can’t I simply rest in You?
I am the wall that I put between us, but I fear breaking Me down. What if Self gets in the way?
Battling what has already been conquered…yet in still.
Color blind to the flag that stands.
Eating from the table of Empty.
Drinking from the cup of Deception.
While snacking on Bread as if it is a guilty pleasure.
Lacking order, running from direction, & the “sense of urgency” is just not there.
I’m falling in the midst of my fears.
"It`s not about me.."
People buy lies everyday,
Repackage & resell them willingly.
The cost, falsely appears free.
It’s a seemingly never ending cycle.
Well, the end being death.
“They die for a lack of knowledge.”
They reject Life.
Life being all that is Good.
Why don’t they wanna live holy?
They weigh Life & Death.
The penalty for Death clearly out weighs Life,
But they still foolishly choose Death.
“They die for a lack of knowledge.”
‘Life costs way too much and is too much work!!’
Do they not know that Life has already been paid for,
That they were bought at a cost?
Do they not know of the One who was sacrificed
Has already done all the work?
No, they continually shun Him.
They have scales over their eyes.
They are bounded by themselves,
Though they no longer are chained by sin.
“They die for a lack of knowledge”
Why not simply choose Life?
Ask questions later,
What do you have to lose?
HA, I think I could name a few:
Pain—it’s already been paid for!
Bondage—He bled for that too!
Your past, all the hurt—for Him that’s EASY!
Need I go on?
Let go of the pseudo blessings,
And choose to bear the TRUE blessings,
The fruits of the spirit.
Stop carrying weight that is not meant for you.
Yes, He died for you too!
Drop the nail & hammer from your hand,
Yes, you’re nailing Him too!
Let go of your past,
For the past no longer holds a place for you.
Stop carrying the cross that is not yours to bear.
Let go & let Him do a work in you,
Before it is too late.
Time waits for no man,
And these days it’s flying!
Choose KNOWLEDGE & wash away the ignorance.
He’s waiting, are you gonna make that move?
For, “They die for a lack of knowledge”.
“Therefore my people are gone into captivity, because they have no knowledge: and their honourable men are famished, and their multitude dried up with thirst.” - Isaiah 5:13 (KJV)
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I will also reject you from being priest to Me; Because you have forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget your children.
The more they increased, The more they sin against Me; I will change their glory into shame. They eat up the sin of My people; They set their heart on their iniquity. And it shall be: like people, like priest. So I will punish them for their ways, And reward them for their deeds.” - Hosea 4:6-10 (NKJV)
” Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, ‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?’ Jesus said to him, ” ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all of your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” - Matthew 22:35-40 (NKJV)
Choose. Pray this with sincerity & God will do the rest! :
Heavenly Father, I know that I have sinned against you and that my sins separate me from you. I am truly sorry. I now want to turn away from my sinful past and turn to you for forgiveness. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your Son, Jesus Christ, died for my sins, that He was raised from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become my Savior and the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You and to convict me when I sin. I pledge to grow in grace and knowledge of you. My greatest purpose in life is to follow your example and do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen
Often times we have circumstances and allow those circumstances to control us. I know this first hand. I know how this feels to believe that whatever I was going through was too big for me to get out of. I was right. I was intent on fixing problems my way. We all make that choice. There is no one controlling us. We have free-will, a gift given to us. We make the choice to do “good” or to do “evil”. We can either submit our will to good or to evil. It is what it is. No matter your interpretation truth is truth, it is unchangeable.
I was always told, having been brought up in the church, “[You] can do all things through Christ who strengthens [you]”. I thought I fully understood what meant. At a very young age I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I just knew that, from what I was taught, that was the way to go. I made the choice to accept. I became saved. I knew I was going to Heaven. I accepted that He died for the sins of the world. With that being said, I have always been conscious of right & wrong because it was taught to me. (Just because you do wrong doesn’t mean you don’t know right, you choose to do what you know is wrong. Just because you don’t believe the truth is truth, it doesn’t make it any less of the truth). So throughout my life I have had the belief that there is a God, and many times I have questioned that but that unbelief never stuck. I chose not to believe that.
I was always told that when you become saved you have to renew your mind. That can be only be done by reading the bible and living the wisdom given. When you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior you become born again and are filled with the Holy Spirit. You are a new creature. With any creature that is born they must be taught how to live. If a baby is born and you leave them by themselves without any guidance, when they grow they will still be crawling around or moving on their belly, and slurry gibberish. So like a baby, when you accept Christ in your heart genuinely, you must learn how to function. You must learn right and wrong and why they are such. You have to gain understanding. So I was told that the bible holds all the wisdom that I needed, but I never quite had an understanding of it. (Scratch that, I understood but I chose not to apply it to myself)
I thought and questioned as child, “How can I read this big’ol book and get what all that means”. I made the choice to do the opposite of what I was told, not because I couldn’t read and comprehend. I definitely had that ability. Whenever you saw me you saw a book in my hand. I LOVE(D) to read. I just chose what I felt was more interesting. I can blame no one other than myself, I made that choice. My parents took me to church every Sunday. I went to bible school, bible camp, all of that. I enjoyed church and the way it made me feelgood. I made the conscious choice to not to take heed to what I was told was the right way; it was the lack of understanding that I chose to be molded in. I would allow myself to be molded by the world around me. I was fed scriptures but I never quite had an understanding of how they could be applied to my life. Words are just words unless you apply them. (I was lazy and stuck in my ways by choice. To apply the bible to my life would be too much work). Every action starts/develops first as a thought and you choose whether you act on it or not. Some thoughts become so natural that you don’t even recognize that you are having them. We don’t have to tell our lungs to take in oxygen or our heart to beat. It’s natural. We have to recognize that we are shaped by the things we see, hear, when we act on them.
Ever since I was a young child I have sinned. I have lied, stolen, hurt people intentionally, acted on my feelings and not what I knew was right. I knew what was right & what was wrong. The bible says that Jesus died for the sins of the whole world (past, present and future), without exception. I was taught that when I recognize what I did was wrong, I was to repent. (I have learned that I am not to be ashamed but to learn from the wrong that I have done. Shame is an inhibitor; don’t let it hold you back.) I never understood that before, although it was taught to me, that His dying for my sins was enough. Whatever good I did could not & would not measure up to the grace that was given (Jesus’ blood). Though I knew this, without fail, I kept doing good things to make up for all the bad I was doing. Not changing, just covering up what was already taken care of. It was lack of understanding. I was trying to stand on how it made sense to me. If it made sense to me that would make it so in my eyes. I was living a lie.
Throughout my life God has used people who He placed in my life to show me that what I was doing in my life was wrong, but I kept choosing to defy and deny Him. I suffered the consequences of this. I put people before God because I chose to. I chose to be the driver of the car I was in. Would you let someone who never drove a day in their life to chauffeur you around? Would you let someone who knew how to drive fairly well? Or would you choose someone who is the expert to drive you? The expert knows everything there is to know. He knows how you can crash or how you cruise smoothly. I think we would all agree that the latter is the wiser choice, but I can only speak for myself. I would choose the latter. That’s who God is. I am the first and second driver. Am I gonna drive this car (my life, purpose, etc.) myself or am I gonna set aside my pride and give the wheel to God? It is not easy, pride can seem so strong, sin can seem so strong, but God is stronger than any force/being in the universe. Don’t be deceived. His POWER is infinite. He won’t force you to do anything because He gave us the free-will. He is where He always is, unmoving. He is waiting on you. Every step you take you have to make a choice; am I gonna do good or am I gonna do evil? I’m gonna be real, yes you stumble and do evil but don’t become complacent. STRIVE for better.
God has compassion. He knows it is not easy. He knows the world we live in doesn’t make it easy. He never said that it would be. He did say that He would help guide us along the way. We just have to put our trust in Him. It’s all or nothing. You can’t be in the middle. The battle has already been won, whose side are you gonna be on? You’re either gonna be a winner or a loser. Simple. The choice is simple. Don’t let people’s opinion or influence choose for you. Just recognize that you can’t do it your way. You will fail, without a doubt. Choose to submit your will, He’ll take care of the rest. He will reveal Himself to you if you allow Him. It’s WORTH it. Recognize it won’t be easy. Just have patience, if you don’t have it get it. Practice patience. It may not happen for you immediately but it will happen. Choose to let God show you the way.
God has brought me through and is continuously bringing me through and out of my pride, out of lust of self/things, fornication, greed, weed, alcohol, cursing, fear, homosexual spirits; all things that are not of Him. Don’t trust the world, it is against you. Satan is the god of this world. He is a copy-cat. He used the Word of God out of context to confuse you, but don’t let Him. He is a deceiver. We were born in sin and shaped in inequity. He will not win, it is already done. Just pick the side you are on. He’s already lost. The choice is yours. People aren’t gonna agree with you, that doesn’t mean that you are wrong. Follow God not people, the world is lost…follow the being that isn’t. Put God before ALL and walk in Love (Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.)
God can bring you out of lust of self, things, and people. He can bring you out of homosexuality, lies, hate, and all other sin. I have been there. Ask me what sin I didn’t commit, I’ve been where you are. He brought me through it! God has given us all the tools we just have to use them. To say that you cannot change is to say that God is not real. That is a choice. God is God all by himself. He doesn’t need us to be God and almighty, but He created us to relate and fellowship with Him. Not to please ourselves or others. Recognize that. I have come out of the worse situations. I understand it is not our circumstances that tell us who we are but God tells us. He loves all of us, even those who deny Him. He loves you. Why not show it back?
When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit dwelled in me. I no longer had the nature of a sinner (“Born in sin, shaped in inequity”, was no longer. That was my old nature. You can “act” like your old self but it is not who you are now. You are the spirit that dwells within). I had the nature of Jesus Christ, of God. I could say NO to sin and not out of the motivation of how it would make me feel but how it pleased God (my purpose is to please God that is my motivation). When you sin you put that before God. We put people and things before God by choice. We CHOOSE. Let’s be real. God loves you regardless, so be honest with Him. He knows we struggle. He knows we won’t be perfect but He perfects(continual) us. When you are covered in the blood of Jesus Christ He doesn’t see the wrong we do anyway, so let’s do the good to PLEASE Him, not to get saved. That has already been done. Be the you God intended for you to be. From what the bible tells me, when I go before God for my judgment, He will see all the good I did. He will be proud. (:
“My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” - Isaiah 55:6-11 (No matter what you’re going through, you may not understand why but God will bring you out of it.)
From the thoughts in my head, I want to be freed
It is Your Word that I must take heed
From the lust & greed
Yes, I am human but I also possess wisdom of what is right & wrong
A mind & heart like Yours is what I need
From the pasts hurts & temptations
Help me to grab hold of these revelations
Protect my ears & eyes because they are under attack daily
Teach me to use my gifts for YOUR will & not MY own satisfaction
It is You I seek to please, from this I gain my joy
Blind me peripherally; it is only You I need to see
From these chains of resentment & ill intentions
For love is the only true way
A softened heart is my aim
Purify my desire
For I cannot chase you AND what is not like you
I want to be freed of me
The me that is of the world
To go against the grain, the river’s current, & what’s considered “fun”
Even if that means standing tall alone
Teach me not to judge
Not to judge him, her or even me
That is your role, I must only play mine
Teach me to love me
ALL of me
I long to see the You in me
Every day I am freed
By Your grace
A new opportunity to shine Your light
The process of breaking down to build me up stronger is in full motion
You are the driving force
Every once in a while, people step up. They rise above themselves. Sometimes, they fall short. Life is funny sometimes it can push really hard, but if you look close enough, you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song, in the eyes of someone you love..& if you’re lucky, and I mean if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love, decides to love you back..♡
Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
So many things to say but there are no words
Not enough vowels & consonants to express my deepest gratitude
Not enough time in any given day to tell you..
So, I'll show you
By inflaming each & ever sense even the sixth
I will love you
I will show you
I will wrap my thoughts, my words, my prayers around you
They will keep you warm
For with me you shan't harbor any want
I will love you
I offer to you my patience
Leaving my ego at the door
Past hurts will remain just that
I will bear my soul because at the end of the day that is all I am
This outer shell is only temporary
I offer to you my eternity
I will love you
Live high, live mighty
Live righteously, taking it easy
Live high, live mighty
(work in progress)
"It`s not about me.."
"It`s not about me.."
Food For Thought
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